What Animal Are You?

What animal are you? I’m either an elephant or an owl, according to animalinyou.com. So basically I poo the size of a VW bug on a daily basis or…I’m an owl. How romantic. You go to take one of these fun tests a friend suggests on facebook thinking for sure I’ll be an eagle, or a tiger, or maybe even a gazelle, but a freaking elephant; come on!

Yes I am slightly overweight, and quite sensitive about it, so finding out I fit the personality of an elephant kind of hurt my ego. Don’t get me wrong, elephants are cool and I think it’s great that they can produce more poo pound for pound in one day than most people produce in a year; but I was really hoping to be a freaking eagle, a bear, or at least a panda with sharp teeth.

I thought about taking the stupid ‘animal personality test’ again, but I guess that would kind of be like cheating and the owl in me wouldn’t let me go through with it.

I guess being an elephant is not so bad. I could literally think of at least ten cool or disgusting ways to end confrontation. If somebody pissed me off, I could choke them out with my trunk. If someone really pissed me off, I could cover them in poo!

It’s kind of liberating being an elephant. Not to mention, elephants are extremely endowed. Could you imagine going from being just a regular guy to packing heat like an elephant? I would have so many facebook friends!

An owl on the other hand; what can an owl do? I could fly, but not cool like an eagle or hawk. And I’m a freaking vegetarian, how the heck am I supposed to live on field mice and rabbits? So gross!

Owls are at least cute though. But have you ever known any cool cartoon characters played by an owl? Besides the one in Winnie the ‘Poo’-no pun intended as I was going on and on about…never mind. At least elephants have Dumbo and bring smiles and joy to children across the globe at the circus.

At any rate, I’ll stick with being an elephant over an owl any day. So what kind of animal are you? Go to animalinyou.com and take the test. Maybe you’ll be something cool like an otter or fox. Though, don’t come back and rub it in. You know what they say about us elephants, we never forget. And if you anger us, your liable to get squashed by a 2-ton rump and covered in poo all at the same time; no fun at all.